Laura's perspective

A Place of Nostalgia

Fear. Scared of the unknown, afraid of being alone, of feeling lonely. 

These are some of the feelings I experienced when I first moved to Barcelona, of course the fear was blended with a sense of excitement, the feeling of a dream come true. 

I have never though of myself as being tied to my home, the curiosity for knowing new places and experiencing adventures has always has always been greater part of me. But suddenly I found myself in a new world, one where I had to manage everything on my own, and although I had long waited for it, I could not deny the fact that I needed something that brought me closer to home, something or somewhere where I could feel safe. 

A wedding, that is what brought me to the Basilica of Santa Maria del Mar the first time, the doors were wide open and hundreds of tourists were going in an out of the church, they were all with their cameras taking videos and pictures of the ceremony. I decided to follow the crowd inside, when I got in, somehow, I could not focus on the event since  sense of nostalgia rushed through my body.  I was transported right at that moment to Mallorca, the Cathedral of La Seu, my school San Cayetano, to my memories. 

It is undeniable the religious principles the Basilica is based on, but the link that unites I feel has no relation to this at all, but it is not completely different, it somehow makes me belief on my past. It reminds me that I will always have somewhere I can run to when I am scared and that all that unites me to my home does not disappear by the mere fact of not being there. 

Not all it makes me feel is pleasant, As I have mentioned before it reminds me of my school, where I have spend all of my childhood. I will not challenge the fact that many good things have come out of it. But it has never been somewhere I have felt myself. This church reminds me that I am not the same little and insecure girl I was in high school, It gives me strength to remind myself that I am growing and learning. 

It is very bizarre the contradictory sentiment it brings me. Ever since I moved here I have identified my old school and its environment as close minded, the manner of teaching focused on religion and male superiority, it taught me the linkage between these two concepts and oppressed me in so many ways that now I can't even fully realise.  Here, to my surprise,  I have learned that It was just my experience that tied them together and it doesn't have to be that way anymore. When I am in Santa Maria del Mar I do not feel small, I am free in a way that I decide to be. It has become a place that means everything but narrow-minded because of the mix of cultures and beliefs that come together. 

Not everything stays the same forever, people can change, I can change. It has become a reflection of the insecurities I had and that I am in the process of transforming in this new era. Because of this I have also felt anger, sadness and shame in here, but all feelings are necessary in order to know yourself better.

Out of nowhere it became a place that makes me feel like I was at home. It may have been the need for fixity or for feeling secure, but the thing is, I made it my own, a safe place. 

Every time I run here to hide I am able to discover a global sense of attachment reflected on the tourists visiting the place. They may be attracted by the religion, the architecture, the novels written about the place, the TV show or even  a wedding that just happens to be going on. But the thing is that It brings a memory or it's maybe just curiosity, but the open doors invite the world to know it. It brings everyone together. Even if they believe in Christianity or not. I think it  is a progressive place since everyone creates its own link to Santa Maria del Mar, as their eyes show. 

Basilica de Santa Maria del Mar

Catedral de Mallorca. La Seu